Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
