I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
