Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
