I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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