At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
