I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You left your phone here
Wait...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
