dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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