the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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