Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
