I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it glows. i had to have it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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