no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
