i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
