I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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