just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
