I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
