I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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