I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
