I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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