How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
