My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
