He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
