called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's blow job season.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
