I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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