just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
