I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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