my sisters under your porch take her home
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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