I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
