my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
