we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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