It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
