Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
