I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize