i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
