just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
