Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
