So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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