I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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