Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
