i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
