i think my mom watched the whole time
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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