If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
