Your face is a jimmy john
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
