so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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