Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
