Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
