My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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