I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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