I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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