He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
