Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
