i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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