i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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