i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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