easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
