Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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