How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
