All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
