Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
