I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
