Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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