Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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