??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
