i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
