its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
