Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
