i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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