I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
